Monday, July 6, 2009

Found an INCREDIBLE song

Heard this while riding in the car with a friend of mine and it REALLY struck me!

Sung by Andrew Spice


Still walking down the street,
still laughing though their fingers
are still pointing down at me,
all the things they cannot see.

you never wanted this
so you shove me down again so they won't see.
how easy this would be if I wasn't me,
how unafraid, how perfectly made I wish I was.

We hope you're not contagious,
we hope you still grow up,
we hope you won't get shot down in the street.
we know the world is changing,
but some things are still the same.
so watch your back and everything you say.

how easy this would be if I wasn't me.
how unafraid, how perfectly made I wish I was.
If I could break a million hearts
and run and fight and starve;
would that be enough to make you happy?

how easy this would be if I wasn't me!
how unafraid, how perfectly made I wish I was.
and if I could break a million hearts,
if I could run and fight and starve;
would that be enough to make you happy?

How did he know how I feel?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The REST of the story..

My post back in May about the commitment ceremony?
WELLLLllll, here's what really happened!

I survived the report for Jay's college class. After about half a Mt. D bottle of Rum. Everyone was respectful and several people stopped me on the break and after class to tell me how impressed they were.
Ah...that's just me. I was scared to death. Terrified. But I did it. I think Jay was proud of me. Even though I about ripped her arm off at the shoulder.

Next day we had our spa day. I was scared there, too. How would Jay's friends react to me? Seems I was afraid for nothing. Jay's Friend Tee has become one of my best friends as well. She finished my dress at the last minute when Jay ran out of time. She calmed us down when we started to freak out and helped serve cake at the reception.

I don't know what we would have done without her! She's one in a million! I don't think she is ENTIRELY comfortable with the logistics of Mine and Jay's relationship... but she loves Jay enough to accept me as well. Because she says I make Jay happy.

I so hope she's right!

Our ceremony went off well. Unity candle, the vows, and then when it came time for the rings...We both cried. We cut the cake...
Danced together...
Wine toast with linked arms...
Dancing little Bubble girl (she wanted to do BUBBLES not FLOWERS!)...
Fingerfood buffet...
Family... Friends... and Love...

It was AMAZING. I'm married. Maybe not legally, but our hearts are bound.

The next day when we went to leave for our planned honeymoon, the car broke down. Just north of town. We had finagled a babysitter but really weren't happy with the arrangements. Yet we wanted to go SO BADLY. We were going to go ahead and go for it.
Till the breakdown. SIGH. Guess we weren't meant to go this year.

Our Angel from Esprit assures us that we HAVE to come next year. I can't wait to meet her in person! Steph has been so kind and encouraging. Something to look forward to...

So things didn't quite go as planned. But it wasn't entirely a bad thing. And the goal was to promise ourselves to each other in love.
We got it done! Grandly!

New music I like...

I was listening to CD's with a friend. He just happens to be gay.
And he was introducing me to some incredible artists.

Even though I'm not gay, I could definitely relate to the lyrics of this song by Andrew Spice. I tried to find the lyrics typed out somewhere, but no luck through three search engines!
The song is called Unafraid.

I hope you get a chance to listen to it.


Monday, May 4, 2009

This week is a BIG one for me

Talk about a week of firsts for me!

Shh don't tell Jay...she didn't want me to share. But I am just so excited, I can't help myself.

I get to be out for TEN days. NO JOKE! Ten days straight.

Thursday...I've volunteered to help Jay. She is a college student and in a communications class. They have to do a speech on something that is important to them. And she picked ME! So she's done a powerpoint presentation on how she used to feel about transgenders and homosexuals vs how she feels about them now because she took the time to be open-minded and accepting of the possibilities. I was so proud of her...I suggested she take me as a visual aid. I've even told her I would take questions at the end of her speech.

Needless to say, I'm scared out of my wits. But I know she will be right there by me the entire time holding my hand. I've never been to a college class before. Heck, I dropped out of high school and got my GED. And this was my idea...she didn't ask me to do it. In fact, I think she was surprised when I offered. AND I think she is proud of me.

That is worth it all.

Friday we are having a "spa day". She got a friend who is going to beauty school to come over and do the pedicure, manicure, waxing, facial and all that foo-foo stuff. Yep...I'm getting a full-face wax. Jay warned me it will be uncomfortable. We've gone and had our eyebrows done so I got a little taste of it. Maybe we'll have to go out and pick up a fifth the night before! LOL

Friday afternoon we are going out to a schnazzy restaurant. Jay bought me a cute little suit with a navy pleated skirt and a green jacket with navy polkadots. I think she secretly wants to wear it herself! It is so cool to wear the same size.

Saturday, Jay and I are having a very special day. Jay has organized a commitment ceremony. She will be promising to love and honor me and NEVER to make me go away like everyone else has. We've written the vows...she made me a fantastic dress...her best man is her closest friend who is VERY gay. Unity candle, veil, clergy...the whole nine yards. Cake and finger-food reception afterwards. She is spoiling me ROTTEN! And I love every minute of it.

Next week, we are going to the Esprit Conference in Port Angeles Washington. It will be the first time I have been around others who are like me and I can't wait! We have hotel reservations and conference tickets on hold through a generous scholarship. Jay has arranged this entire thing and I am so grateful to her for loving me this much. No one has EVER wanted to even HEAR about me, much less be around me...sometimes not even my "other side". Many times, he has just wanted me to go away.

But now...All three of us are so much in love. This is going to be the adventure of a lifetime!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

My First Easter

I was able to spend today with Jay and the kids.
We woke up to my first Easter morning...
Baskets for the children - and ONE FOR ME!
The Easter Bunny brought me an Eyeshadow/blush compact, a set of toe rings that I had been bugging Jay for, chocolate and a walking bunny that poops jelly beans.

Ham dinner with all the trimmings. Kissing in the kitchen. Reading about the true meaning of Easter with the kids. Egg coloring and hunting, holding hands with Jay under the dinner table.

I hated to go...but my "alter ego" had to go back to work. It was a special weekend. Found myself napping on and off yesterday, just because I could relax!

It's been awhile since I've been able to come out and play. The stress level that Jay and I have been under has been enormous. Which made today sweeter...and going back to "real life" even harder. We both just wanted to snuggle under the covers with her holding me, my head on her chest where we are safe and warm...and stay there forever and ever.

Monday, March 30, 2009


ONLY 41 days left until the ESPRIT gala! Do you have YOUR tickets yet?

Wellllll...Why NOT?


**SIGH** I went and stopped by Demi's place tonight. I definitely want to say CONGRATULATIONS, GIRL!!

But, I think I am rather envious. To be able to not work, to dress up when you want, to spend time with those you love; Seems like a far away dream for me.

Having an ex to support, aging parents to care for and a special someone that I want to be with more than anything necessitates Money.

Money Equals Job.

Job equals ten to twelve hour days alone.

And no time with my sweetheart...which means no time relaxing. Because I can only be Sharon when I am with Jay.

I'm not asking for sympathy at all. I am SO GLAD for Demi! And I am grateful for Jay...because as little as a year ago, I didn't even have THAT chance to escape. Some of our adventures were only fantasy until I met Jay. I'd never dreamed I would actually, REALLY go out; much less in a crowd in a backless dress. Or stay at a hotel with Jay, have dinner, listen to jazz in a nightclub...

Hmmm, come to think of it, I guess I'm not so envious after all. Lovin' you, Baby!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Hiyiyi heels!

Was just checking in with some of my friends and read this post byMisty mentioning walking in high heels.
WOW, do I know where you are comin' from, girl!?!
I consider myself to be in fairly good shape as I have a very physical "male" job (ok, except for the little gut) but it never fails to amaze me how painful heels can get after just an hour or two.
Jay found this fabulous little shop in a nearby city. Second hand store, really. But they are VERY T.V. friendly. In fact, when the proprietor found out what Jay was looking for (and decided that she was "for real") she called into the back and out came a very handsome TV. Older lady, had her own hair grown long. But she proceeded to give Jay "the TV tour" of the place. Corsets, wigs, dresses galore! And the HOTTEST pair of four-inch black and red just my size. One of the straps was damaged so Jay got them for a song...and of course, I fixed that strap right up in no time flat.
THEN...I tried the things on! I've never been in heels that high. Darn near got a nose bleed. And came very close to snapping my ankle a time or two. But it was an experience. I've been practicing.

And Jay says they make my legs look VERY hawt!

I think she's biased...just a little.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Request for Feedback...

Can anyone can give me some feedback on the COGIATI test I found online.
Actually discovered it several years ago and have taken it numerous times, but since I met Jay...I've gotten some different results. "strongly suggesting consideration of Gender reassignment and counseling".
The thing is that Jay took it too. Even though this test is strictly for MTF, she just flip-flopped and read the questions with reverse genders. And her score was very close to mine.
Of course, we've always suspected she had strong male tendencies.

Have you taken this test? Have you found it true for you? Have you heard anything about it?

Friday, February 27, 2009

Could I?

I wonder if someday...SOMEDAY...I might have the courage to go to a bigger event. You know, a GATHERING. A Group. I've only met a couple others like me in my lifetime. It's such a big step!

I'd be terrified!

Maybe if Jay went with me. We could actually make a special "getaway weekend" out of it.

I found this one and it's not too far away. Has anyone been here? What do you think?


Gender Neutral?

OK...OK...OK...I just HAD to try this!!
Petra's Voyages en Rose post on THIS fun little tool was just TOOO tempting not to try!


"We guess is written by a woman (58%), however it's quite gender neutral."

Considering that Jay and I collaborate on most of this...they are probably right!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Survey results that caught my eye...

Had to share with you something else I found that was VERY interesting!

Ran across a site while Jay was doing some research for a thesis. It's called The Cross Dresser's Secret Garden and they have a link to a Fall Getaway that I am going to be keeping my eye on.

Anyway, what I thought was so interesting were the polls and surveys they have going on!

The crossdressers results page caught my attention, however it was the Significant Others results page that made my jaw hit the floor! My Jay must be someone very special.

Although, I could be just a teensy bit biased.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

One of the KOOLEST things I have seen... a VERY long time! Found a link to the Gender Photo Project over at Staci's Place and I was just blown away. If you love a TS/TV, know a TS/TV, ARE a TS/TV or are just is an amazing place to hang out for a few.

Just my opinion, though, ya' know!

Monday, February 16, 2009

How can stress be so relaxing?

I don't want to be a woman. Really. Although I must admit sometimes I have my dreams/fantasies about it.

When we dress up, I am nervous. Because I have been denied this freedom for so long. Always hiding; being afraid of the ridicule. Being afraid of losing friends, alienating family. So I shoved her way, way down deep inside.

But I would become her inside my head. Thinking of new makeup tricks, cute undies I would buy someday, wigs and dresses...places I would go. Things I do...someday.

It is an escape. I'm not ME, that guy who has a family to support, friends who depend on him, bills to pay, a car to repair and a honey-do list that seems to get longer the more sh*& I cross off! For me, crossdressing is kind of like reading a book and getting so into it that you look up and three or four hours has gone by. Or playing an online game where you become an elf or a troll or some other mythical character and forget your own pain. When I am Sharon, I am loved, cherished, taken care of. Don't have to make decisions. No responsibilities! I can play, try on all the clothes in my closet if I want to, do my nails.

Yet I am nervous as well; always on guard. What if someone says something or someone comes to the door? When Jay and I go out, I look to see if people are staring. On edge and questioning myself...Do I look good? Do I blend in? is Jay proud of me? And why do I care what they think?

I won't go "out" without Jay. She is my courage and my anchor. No matter what happens, I know at least SHE will accept me and love me. Whomever I choose to be.

It hasn't always been this way. Jay and I have just recently found each other and are growing and exploring together. Before I met Jay, Sharon hadn't seen the light of day for about 15 years. She has had to stay inside my head. And, trust me, she was NOT happy about it.

Because we are still learning about how this life together is going to look, we have started a list. THE list. Things we want to do. Sharon and Jay's Adventure list.

Found one site the other day where they are also working on a List. Go check out Petra's 14 stations when you get some free time.

Ah well, I've unburdened myself enough for one evening. Time to snuggle under the covers and dream...

Friday, February 13, 2009


I've been doing some peeking around on the internet now that I have this "outlet" for myself and my lady. Have found some GREAT information like THIS POST at Crossdresser Heaven. It answers some questions that wives have about why their guys dress up. Sort of. If there is an answer.

And there is a BOOK as well that sounds very interesting on having a relationship with a TV Guy.


Welcome and Happy Valentine's Day

With full and complete credit to Staci at Femulate. I hope she doesn't mind...but I couldn't RESIST!